HOFF ALERT!

BREAKING NEWS:

David Hasselhoff has acquired a Batman mask and a stylish European mustache. Be on the lookout.

rantastic

So they passed the Hands-Free cell phone law, what, like almost two years ago? Yet, let's be real, how many times have you seen this bitch on the freeway:


Like holding the fucking phone in front of your fucking mouth makes it, somehow, hands-free. WHERE DID THIS LOGIC COME FROM? Last time I checked, it still required a fucking hand to hold the phone. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't holding the phone to your ear also require one hand? Where's the progress here?

And it's not like this tactic is sneaky or anything. It's not hard for the cops to see what you're doing. I mean, the phone is right in front of your fucking face. If anything, it's blocking your vision which makes it even worse. Yet I see this shit every damn day. People think they are pulling a fast one on the law, but really they're just:

recovery song

So I wrote a song about the other night to help myself remember not to do that shit anymore. Seriously, the fuck...I wrote this song for my new hardcore/rap side project. I haven't picked a name yet, still deciding between Lick My Hole or DJ Rock Bottom. Anyway, here are the first draft of the lyrics:

Sittin alone, missin' my whore
On the couch watchin' Jersey Shore
Fuckers talkin bout all sorts of lame shit
Think they like me, like they're fuckin' legit

When my friend T-Bone calls me on the phone
Tells me to come to his party at home
I say, "Yo, T, I don't know..."
He say, "Don't be a bitch, Socks, you bettah go."

So I roll up about quarter to nine
Some pussies outside not lookin so fine
Tonight my girlfriend is out of contention
Out of town at a Cheezburger convention

So I try to play cool like I'm Mr. Freeze
Shooting the shit like I'm Drew fuckin' Brees
When Patches comes up from out of no place
Waving a bag of sweet chiba in my face

"Socks, you bitch, let's hit this shit."
I say "Nah, I'm not really feelin' it."
Got my memories from my last nip trip
Still haunting me from beyond the crypt

But Patches, dude, is fucking persistent
Baggie in my face cause he's fuckin' insistin'
So a take a hit and launch full speed
Into the world of a trippin' kitty

Woke up later not knowing where I am
Find out I slept with a Christmas ham
Got ham on my breath and nip on my mind
Headache givin' me an awful time

I tell myself I can never forget
How bad it feels on a cat nip trip
Share with da world my sad sad song
And keep y'all from feelin' wronged

What do you bitches think?

kill me now

I feel like 100% grade-A shit right now. When I went to that party I told myself I wasn't gonna get into anything too serious. But then Patches opened the bag and I got that wiff of fresh nip and, well shit, everything fell apart. I promised my girlfriend I'd stay away from that sorta thing. I'm pretty sure I left like sixty messages on her phone last night. Fuck me and my weak-ass habits. This is why I never get invited fucking anywhere. People are afraid I'll smell their chrysanthemums and go off the deep end cause I got no self-fucking-control. FUCK! I'm just gonna watch some HGTV and pass the fuck out. PEACE.

fuckin catnip, trippin balls

I will never fucking do that shit again. Worst night of my nine lives...

well thanks

dear justin...didnt even know i was a part of the red light on blogger. and since someone (who shall remain nameless) sabotaged the NEW redlight...we are back to the blog. which i dont mind so much. so, for your entertainment........some hilarious pictures

Finished

Finally finished that thing of Cheesy Balls. Feels good... real good.